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|05-31-2006, 09:18 AM||#1|
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: San Antonio, Texas
Smoking is a Religous experience!
BLACKLUNG, Ky. -- A group of 3-pack-a-day cigarette smokers, sick of being ostracized by society, have started a new religion based on g!
The new religion, called Smokiology, was created by the Reverend Jonah "Matches" Hanlon, who preaches at the First Church of Smoking, in Kentucky.
On the ceiling of the First Church of Smoking is a large painting modeled after Michelangelo's painting on the Sistine Chapel, where God stretches out his finger to touch Adam, giving him life. On the Church of Smoking ceiling, a flickering cigarette lighter is lighting a cigarette.
"Because when a cigarette is lit, that's when life begins for us, as well," Hanlon said. "Cigarettes are the first thing we reach for in the morning, and the last thing we put down before bedtime."
Instead of saying "Amen" at the end of a sermon, congregants emit a hearty cough.
Hanlon said he formed the Church, because, "Here we are in the 21st Century, when discrimination against virtually every ethnic and religious group has been eradicated, yet we smokers have seen our rights shrink, and our social status diminish. We've been relegated to second-class citizens.
"Where once we were the very definition of 'cool' and sophistication, we have now become pariahs who are forced to leave the building to smoke or cower in a 'smoker's lounge.' Parents hide their kids from us accusing us of endangering their children's health.
"By forming the Church, we are demanding the right to practice our customs free from government interference."
Reverend Hanlon also called for an end to taxes on cigarettes, which account for a high percentage of their cost, saying now that g is a religion, cigarettes are a sacrament and should enjoy tax-exempt status.
Critics have declared that Smokiology is just a clever gimmick to allow Hanlon to smoke.
"In America, nothing is as sacred as religion, with the possible exception of football," said Barbara Crowler, chairwoman of New Religions Watchdog, a group that monitors new religious organizations, to see if they are legitimate.
"Because this country was founded by pilgrims seeking religious freedom, people today are taught that they must respect all religions, no matter how reactionary or nutso their beliefs are.
"Many things that would otherwise be illegal are allowed in the name of religion. Reverend Hanlon is clearly counting on this. He can now claim that any and all laws banning g amount to 'religious discrimination.'"
But Hanlon countered, "Smoking calms us in times of trouble, gives us peace in times of anxiety. When the world is crashing down around us, g gives us pause and concentrates the mind.
"Smoke drifts toward the heavens, lifting our spirits. Watching smoke rings drift apart reminds us of the transitory nature of all things. Knowing that every puff shortens our life span renews our commitment to use every day preciously, because it could be our last.
"That sounds an awful lot like what a good religion does, to me."
Fame is vapor, popularity an accident, riches take wings. Only one thing endures and that is Character.
|05-31-2006, 11:06 AM||#2|
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Kermit, TX
Church of the Smoking
75 IH Scout II
79 Chevy K10
80 GMC K25
97 Chevy S10
05 Dodge 3500
Collect the whole set.
|05-31-2006, 11:08 AM||#3|
Wheels 4 Food
Join Date: Mar 2005
Just my .02.
1. 84 Yota - one ton swap - in progress
2. 65 V-dub Class 5 Unlimited #524 Baaad Sheep Racing
Jeeps are for girls
And guys that wish they were girls.....
Automatic transmissions are gay.
Flipped up tow mirrors are the sagging pants of the truck world.
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