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Smoking is a Religous experience!



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Old 05-31-2006, 08:18 AM   #1
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Smoking is a Religous experience!

BLACKLUNG, Ky. -- A group of 3-pack-a-day cigarette smokers, sick of being ostracized by society, have started a new religion based on g!

The new religion, called Smokiology, was created by the Reverend Jonah "Matches" Hanlon, who preaches at the First Church of Smoking, in Kentucky.

On the ceiling of the First Church of Smoking is a large painting modeled after Michelangelo's painting on the Sistine Chapel, where God stretches out his finger to touch Adam, giving him life. On the Church of Smoking ceiling, a flickering cigarette lighter is lighting a cigarette.

"Because when a cigarette is lit, that's when life begins for us, as well," Hanlon said. "Cigarettes are the first thing we reach for in the morning, and the last thing we put down before bedtime."

Instead of saying "Amen" at the end of a sermon, congregants emit a hearty cough.

Hanlon said he formed the Church, because, "Here we are in the 21st Century, when discrimination against virtually every ethnic and religious group has been eradicated, yet we smokers have seen our rights shrink, and our social status diminish. We've been relegated to second-class citizens.

"Where once we were the very definition of 'cool' and sophistication, we have now become pariahs who are forced to leave the building to smoke or cower in a 'smoker's lounge.' Parents hide their kids from us accusing us of endangering their children's health.

"By forming the Church, we are demanding the right to practice our customs free from government interference."

Reverend Hanlon also called for an end to taxes on cigarettes, which account for a high percentage of their cost, saying now that g is a religion, cigarettes are a sacrament and should enjoy tax-exempt status.

Critics have declared that Smokiology is just a clever gimmick to allow Hanlon to smoke.

"In America, nothing is as sacred as religion, with the possible exception of football," said Barbara Crowler, chairwoman of New Religions Watchdog, a group that monitors new religious organizations, to see if they are legitimate.

"Because this country was founded by pilgrims seeking religious freedom, people today are taught that they must respect all religions, no matter how reactionary or nutso their beliefs are.

"Many things that would otherwise be illegal are allowed in the name of religion. Reverend Hanlon is clearly counting on this. He can now claim that any and all laws banning g amount to 'religious discrimination.'"

But Hanlon countered, "Smoking calms us in times of trouble, gives us peace in times of anxiety. When the world is crashing down around us, g gives us pause and concentrates the mind.

"Smoke drifts toward the heavens, lifting our spirits. Watching smoke rings drift apart reminds us of the transitory nature of all things. Knowing that every puff shortens our life span renews our commitment to use every day preciously, because it could be our last.

"That sounds an awful lot like what a good religion does, to me."
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thats the look a 14yo boy has the 1st time he sees his 1st set of boobies . its the simple pleasures in life
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Wood yoo lik two bi a voul? I have won four cell.
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Old 05-31-2006, 10:06 AM   #2
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Thats pretty much how I feel about it....You gone yet?
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Old 05-31-2006, 10:08 AM   #3
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Old 05-31-2006, 03:44 PM   #4
 
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You know honestly as stupid as it sounds....This is one of the most intelligent things I have ever read. I gotta give this guy some credit.
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