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How to Shower :)



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Old 09-01-2012, 06:01 PM   #1
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How to Shower :)

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo-woo" sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your ***.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).

6. Wash your face.

7. Wash your armpits.

8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.

9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.

10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area.

11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.

12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).

13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.

15. Pee (in the shower).

16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.

17. Partially dry off.

18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again.

19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.

20. Leave bathroom fan and light on.

21. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the "woo-woo" sound again.

22. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed again.

-------

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror. Make mental note - must do more sit-ups.

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair.

11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.

12. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.

13. Turn off shower.

14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit, tweeze hairs.

17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.
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Old 09-01-2012, 06:12 PM   #2
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The guy part is pretty damn accurate, I must say.
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Old 09-01-2012, 06:29 PM   #3
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If taking a dump before shower I take my clothes off and leave the pile right there in front of the pot. I step out of my clothes.
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Old 09-01-2012, 06:53 PM   #4
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Only wimmin leave all the damn lights on. Other than that pretty accurate lol
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Old 09-01-2012, 10:10 PM   #5
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eeewwwww is all I am gonna say lol you guys !!
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Old 09-02-2012, 09:47 AM   #6
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Old 09-02-2012, 10:02 AM   #7
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if i find a girl who would show off her boobies and go "woo-woo!" while she was on the way to the shower, I'd probably marry her.
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Old 09-02-2012, 10:23 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GIJoe4500 View Post
if i find a girl who would show off her boobies and go "woo-woo!" while she was on the way to the shower, I'd probably marry her.
those kind are "nuckin futs"; i know from experience
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Old 09-02-2012, 10:26 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fourwheelerjeff View Post
those kind are "nuckin futs"; i know from experience
You say that like its a bad thing.
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Old 09-02-2012, 12:44 PM   #10
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Pretty acurate on the guy shower part lmao
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Old 09-02-2012, 03:30 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GIJoe4500 View Post
You say that like its a bad thing.
... from the $5 wimmin guy
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