the jackass - Texas 4x4 Forum

Go Back   Texas 4x4 Forum > Miscellaneous > Humor

Photo Gallery Places to Wheel Gallery III Home Forum Tech Section IRCChat FlashChat

Humor Got a Funny to tell? Please remember this is a family site.

Texas4x4.org is the premier All All Forum on the internet. Registered Users do not see the above ads.

Humor:

the jackass



Like Tree4Likes
  • 4 Post By fourwheelerjeff

Reply
 
Share LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-13-2012, 09:31 AM   #1
Wheels 4 Food
 
fourwheelerjeff's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: meadow, tx
Posts: 5,223
fourwheelerjeff Surfs Venus with Anubisfourwheelerjeff Surfs Venus with Anubisfourwheelerjeff Surfs Venus with Anubisfourwheelerjeff Surfs Venus with Anubisfourwheelerjeff Surfs Venus with Anubisfourwheelerjeff Surfs Venus with Anubisfourwheelerjeff Surfs Venus with Anubisfourwheelerjeff Surfs Venus with Anubisfourwheelerjeff Surfs Venus with Anubisfourwheelerjeff Surfs Venus with Anubisfourwheelerjeff Surfs Venus with Anubis
the jackass

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know; take it out on someone you DON'T know!!!

Here's the deal. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hannifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude but I let it go (for now), tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. Of course, I had transposed the last two digits.

After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled, "You're a jackass!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, whenever I was having a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!" It would always cheer me up.

Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me - I guess I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi. This is Tony from the sales office of the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I was pleased that he didn't have Caller ID and I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!"

The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there's ever anything really bothering you, can do something about it if you have a jackass number. This is great if you're feeling especially evil like I did on this next day I am going to tell you about.

After a long frustrating day, this old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking space I was waiting to occupy. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black Camaro come flying up the parking aisle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that, Buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his Camaro, gave me the finger and walked into the mall. I thought to myself, this guy's a jackass...there sure a lot of jackasses in this world. Then I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.

A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had another bad day and had just gotten off the phone after calling the jackass and yelling, "You're a jackass!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too.

After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello."
I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"
He says, "Yes, it is."
I say, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
He says, "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front."
I said, "What's your name?"
He says, "My name is Don Hansen."
I say, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
He says, "I'm home in the evenings."
I say, "Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
He says, "Yes,"
I say, "Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down.
After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer.

For a while, things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem, I had two jackasses to call. Well, after several months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution: First, I dialed Jackass #1.


A man answered nicely saying, "Hello."
I yelled "You're a jackass!" but I didn't hang up.
The jackass said," Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "No."
He said, "What's your name, Pal?"
I said, "Don Hansen."
He said, "Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.

Then I called Jackass #2.


He answered, "Hello."
I said, "Hello, Jackass!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
I said, "You'll what?"
He Said, "I'll kick your butt."
I said, "Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!" And I hung up.

Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home. Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W. 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing. It was Glorious! Watching two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter was one of the greatest experiences of my life! I love having a bad day!
__________________
You too can be a satisfied customer of "Jeff's Offroad Emporium"!
Jeff's Offroad Emporium check me out on FaceBook!
fourwheelerjeff is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 08-13-2012, 10:57 AM   #2
Full speed...half lit
 
Awesome Bill's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: amarillo
Posts: 7,882
Awesome Bill Surfs Venus with AnubisAwesome Bill Surfs Venus with AnubisAwesome Bill Surfs Venus with AnubisAwesome Bill Surfs Venus with AnubisAwesome Bill Surfs Venus with AnubisAwesome Bill Surfs Venus with AnubisAwesome Bill Surfs Venus with AnubisAwesome Bill Surfs Venus with AnubisAwesome Bill Surfs Venus with AnubisAwesome Bill Surfs Venus with AnubisAwesome Bill Surfs Venus with Anubis
Lmfao!
__________________
70 fj40...v8, 1tons, 241/205 and 42's
92 fj80...the wife mobile, cummins, 1tons
Texas Trail Buggy
www.hhfabinc.com


Quote:
Originally Posted by HelenaAG View Post
Hey Guys,

I am giving you a heads up that ads are coming.....
Awesome Bill is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-13-2012, 11:10 AM   #3
Kool Arrow
 
kling-on's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: PIMPIN PARTS in SA TX
Posts: 5,631
kling-on has a brilliant futurekling-on has a brilliant futurekling-on has a brilliant futurekling-on has a brilliant futurekling-on has a brilliant futurekling-on has a brilliant futurekling-on has a brilliant futurekling-on has a brilliant futurekling-on has a brilliant futurekling-on has a brilliant futurekling-on has a brilliant future
Wow... Don't piss you off
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by mnmstoy View Post
Sand blasting is for Rich people. A can of cheap spray and a welded carrier is what I'm talking about...
low riders want SWITCHES..... 4 wheelers want SHIFTERS

82 BJ42 3b and a dream...

82 FJ60 SOA, 456's lockrite's, 35 Xtrem M/T's, ARB bull & side bars,warn 12k and a Vortec


GOD BLESS TEXAS

GIT-R-DONE!!!!!!!!

PM me for anything from 4 Wheel Parts and I can get you a Club discount
kling-on is offline   Reply With Quote
 
Old 08-13-2012, 11:13 AM   #4
Wheels 4 Food
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Amarillo
Posts: 3,603
brug33 Surfs Venus with Anubisbrug33 Surfs Venus with Anubisbrug33 Surfs Venus with Anubisbrug33 Surfs Venus with Anubisbrug33 Surfs Venus with Anubisbrug33 Surfs Venus with Anubisbrug33 Surfs Venus with Anubisbrug33 Surfs Venus with Anubisbrug33 Surfs Venus with Anubisbrug33 Surfs Venus with Anubisbrug33 Surfs Venus with Anubis
brug33 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2012, 11:58 PM   #5
Flex Master
 
gq91sammy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: san antonio
Posts: 1,576
gq91sammy Axle snapper extrordinairegq91sammy Axle snapper extrordinairegq91sammy Axle snapper extrordinairegq91sammy Axle snapper extrordinairegq91sammy Axle snapper extrordinaire
That my friend is as good as it gets... Lmfao
gq91sammy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2012, 07:30 AM   #6
Gabino Barrera
 
RIVER RAT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: San Antonio...
Posts: 13,159
RIVER RAT Surfs Venus with AnubisRIVER RAT Surfs Venus with AnubisRIVER RAT Surfs Venus with AnubisRIVER RAT Surfs Venus with AnubisRIVER RAT Surfs Venus with AnubisRIVER RAT Surfs Venus with AnubisRIVER RAT Surfs Venus with AnubisRIVER RAT Surfs Venus with AnubisRIVER RAT Surfs Venus with AnubisRIVER RAT Surfs Venus with AnubisRIVER RAT Surfs Venus with Anubis
...



__________________
I understand that Jeep thing !!
But all that Sh!t Broke.

"go 1-ton Baby".....

Wheel for today, Yesterday is gone & tomorrow never comes

Quote:
Originally Posted by 72blazer View Post
The orange jeep does look bitchin!!
RIVER RAT is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:31 AM.


3.8.8 - Powered by vBulletin
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2019 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Copyright 2002-2012 Texas4x4.org
 

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0