Tools defined - Texas 4x4 Forum

Go Back   Texas 4x4 Forum > Miscellaneous > Humor

Photo Gallery Places to Wheel Gallery III Home Forum Tech Section IRCChat FlashChat

Humor Got a Funny to tell? Please remember this is a family site.

Texas4x4.org is the premier All All Forum on the internet. Registered Users do not see the above ads.

Humor:

Tools defined



Like Tree7Likes
  • 6 Post By 87zuk
  • 1 Post By tclowrance

Reply
 
Share LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-12-2012, 02:01 PM   #1
Flex Master
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Princeton
Posts: 1,372
87zuk has a brilliant future87zuk has a brilliant future87zuk has a brilliant future87zuk has a brilliant future87zuk has a brilliant future87zuk has a brilliant future87zuk has a brilliant future87zuk has a brilliant future87zuk has a brilliant future87zuk has a brilliant future87zuk has a brilliant future
Tools defined

I thought these were pretty good and accurate as well.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly
snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that
it smacks you in the chest and flings your across the
room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had
carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them
somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light .
Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from
fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh DERN!' (my edit)

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs
too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in
the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to
convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the
Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into
a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt
to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round
off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be
used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting
various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy
for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which
you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used
to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile
to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes ,
trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by
most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces
that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the
inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum
tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum
seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans.
Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into
non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding
that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to
replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the
hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to
locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object
we are trying to hit. It is especially valuable at being
able to find the EXACT location of the thumb or index
finger of the other hand.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the
contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front
door; works particularly well on contents such as seats,
vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines,
refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially
useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON-OF-A-***** TOOL

(A personal favorite!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a *****!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

Hope you found this informative.
__________________
87 Sammy Jeep 4 banger, 420-300, Wagoneer Dana 44 Axles, 5.89 Gears with spiders front and rear, Custom cage, J10 front springs, four-link with quarter elliptical springs in the rear, 36 inch Goodyears with H-1wheels, stretched the wheelbase
Homemade buggy on ROCKS and one link w/coilovers, four-wheel steer, 350-465-3.8 ATLAS still need to get the skins done but decided to take a break from working on it all the time and wheel it.
84 K5 Finally back on the road.
87zuk is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 10-12-2012, 02:43 PM   #2
Gonzo Wheeler
 
Donuts1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Carthage
Posts: 2,632
Donuts1 Surfs Venus with AnubisDonuts1 Surfs Venus with AnubisDonuts1 Surfs Venus with AnubisDonuts1 Surfs Venus with AnubisDonuts1 Surfs Venus with AnubisDonuts1 Surfs Venus with AnubisDonuts1 Surfs Venus with AnubisDonuts1 Surfs Venus with AnubisDonuts1 Surfs Venus with AnubisDonuts1 Surfs Venus with AnubisDonuts1 Surfs Venus with Anubis
LOL!!! Nice!
__________________
Home of the occasional squirrel like energy and sometimes lucky fab porn!
Donuts1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-12-2012, 03:08 PM   #3
Gonzo Wheeler
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Blue Ridge, Tx
Posts: 2,375
Bunker Buster has much to be proud ofBunker Buster has much to be proud ofBunker Buster has much to be proud ofBunker Buster has much to be proud ofBunker Buster has much to be proud ofBunker Buster has much to be proud ofBunker Buster has much to be proud ofBunker Buster has much to be proud ofBunker Buster has much to be proud of
Quote:
Originally Posted by 87zuk View Post
SON-OF-A-***** TOOL

(A personal favorite!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a *****!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
I have a lot of these tools.
__________________
Fawker Fab 3 seater Buggy - Buster II
498 Stroker BBC/pane/465/Fawker Fab Doubler/One Tons/Detroits/Chromos/Longfields/16" FOA Coilovers/18" air shocks/one link/three link/42" PBR's and lots of throttle.

When all else fails, give it hell.

Push it to the Limit with RevLimit Off Road!
Bunker Buster is offline   Reply With Quote
 
Old 10-12-2012, 03:23 PM   #4
Full speed...half lit
 
Awesome Bill's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: amarillo
Posts: 7,882
Awesome Bill Surfs Venus with AnubisAwesome Bill Surfs Venus with AnubisAwesome Bill Surfs Venus with AnubisAwesome Bill Surfs Venus with AnubisAwesome Bill Surfs Venus with AnubisAwesome Bill Surfs Venus with AnubisAwesome Bill Surfs Venus with AnubisAwesome Bill Surfs Venus with AnubisAwesome Bill Surfs Venus with AnubisAwesome Bill Surfs Venus with AnubisAwesome Bill Surfs Venus with Anubis
__________________
70 fj40...v8, 1tons, 241/205 and 42's
92 fj80...the wife mobile, cummins, 1tons
Texas Trail Buggy
www.hhfabinc.com


Quote:
Originally Posted by HelenaAG View Post
Hey Guys,

I am giving you a heads up that ads are coming.....
Awesome Bill is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-12-2012, 03:40 PM   #5
Mas Tequila
 
Rastus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: San Antonio, Texas
Posts: 18,255
Rastus has disabled reputation
__________________
Fame is vapor, popularity an accident, riches take wings. Only one thing endures and that is Character.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RVREDDOG View Post
If you need a ladder to work on your rig you might want to re-think your suspension.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigevil View Post
thats the look a 14yo boy has the 1st time he sees his 1st set of boobies . its the simple pleasures in life
Quote:
Originally Posted by 4x4Freak View Post
Wood yoo lik two bi a voul? I have won four cell.
Rockkrawler
Zukikrawlers
Rastus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-12-2012, 05:48 PM   #6
Wheels 4 Food
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Canyon, Texas
Posts: 3,556
tclowrance has a brilliant futuretclowrance has a brilliant futuretclowrance has a brilliant futuretclowrance has a brilliant futuretclowrance has a brilliant futuretclowrance has a brilliant futuretclowrance has a brilliant futuretclowrance has a brilliant futuretclowrance has a brilliant futuretclowrance has a brilliant futuretclowrance has a brilliant future
I'll use that in class
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by mudnmyvayne View Post
You better make like a crab,and get on the ball!!
Toe Rig-2011 6.7 PowerStroke
1976 CJ7 (retired)
1980 Toyota Pickup (almost there)

JDPFAB.COM
hhfabinc.com



87zuk likes this.
tclowrance is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-12-2012, 11:45 PM   #7
Flex Master
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Princeton
Posts: 1,372
87zuk has a brilliant future87zuk has a brilliant future87zuk has a brilliant future87zuk has a brilliant future87zuk has a brilliant future87zuk has a brilliant future87zuk has a brilliant future87zuk has a brilliant future87zuk has a brilliant future87zuk has a brilliant future87zuk has a brilliant future
Quote:
Originally Posted by tclowrance View Post
I'll use that in class
Make sure they know not to put there fingers in front of the band saw blade. I had a guy just 2 days ago damn near lose his thumb here in the shop because he was pushing the material through the saw instead of using the backing plate. It looked pretty damn bad. We use a 4-6 blade. He was lucky to get it out before it hit the bone. You could see every point that a tooth caught his finger before he pulled it out.
__________________
87 Sammy Jeep 4 banger, 420-300, Wagoneer Dana 44 Axles, 5.89 Gears with spiders front and rear, Custom cage, J10 front springs, four-link with quarter elliptical springs in the rear, 36 inch Goodyears with H-1wheels, stretched the wheelbase
Homemade buggy on ROCKS and one link w/coilovers, four-wheel steer, 350-465-3.8 ATLAS still need to get the skins done but decided to take a break from working on it all the time and wheel it.
84 K5 Finally back on the road.
87zuk is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
tools with tool boxes runnindiesel Non-4x4 related for Sale 3 06-22-2010 05:43 PM
Metal fab tools Rockintjak Non-4x4 related for Sale 5 04-21-2010 11:58 AM
Shop Tools Offroad_Buggy Tool Time 22 02-26-2009 12:34 AM
Tools of the Trade Rastus Humor 1 10-30-2006 10:15 AM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 12:26 PM.


3.8.8 - Powered by vBulletin
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2019 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Copyright 2002-2012 Texas4x4.org
 

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0