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Disorder in the court

These are from a book called "Disorder in the Amercian Courts", and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: NO, I just lie there.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: what year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you've forgotten?
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: 38 or 35, I cant remember whoch.
Q: How long has he been living with you?
A: 45 years.
Q: What was the 1st thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it untill the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was Aug the 8th?
A: Yes
Q:And what were you doing at that time?
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you preformed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are preformed on dead people.
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Here is the best one......

Q: Doctor, before you preformed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Mas Tequila
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