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The new "Extreme 4x4" show on Spike just burns my biscuits and I am working hard to figure out why. I think I was too excited about it and it can't possibly meet my expectations. It could be any of the following:
1. I appreciate the effort of having the female host, and she probably is a better fabber than I am, but if we're going to have eye candy to draw a male audience (who else is going to be watching anyway?), then I want to see Pamela Anderson [insert other hot chick of your choice here] etc. with a plasma cutter and in an outfit that requires glue to keep it on. I mean, if we are going to be "extreme" here, then no half measures I say. I want Full-On Hotness. "Let me help you with that"
2. The male host annoys me. I don't know why. I think maybe it's because my Texas instincts tell me he's a Canuck. Who else says "aboot"? Also, he doesn't seem to sweat when working, which creeps me out. When I'm in the garage, I'm filthy. You come back in the house after being in the garage 4 hours and you are not sweaty, that just tips the wife off that you've been out there drinking beer and listening to the radio. Plus, he's never slapped his co-host on the ass even once. Sexist and neanderthal, yes. But, remember I am the intended male audience so I get to say what's appropriate. Ok fine, if you can't do that, at least have a beer together at the end of each episode or have her smoke a cigar . . .
3. The show is not that "extreme." Bolting on a Kelderman Air Ride suspension system onto a Dodge is not extreme. It's just expensive. v8 swap into a jeep, again, been done many a many a time. Want to impress me? Let me see you swap a Cummins into that jeep . . .
4. Dumb build decisions. Okay, the most interesting project in terms of real fabwork is this Ranger they are building up. It's a junkyard single-cab. One of the 'extreme' decisions they made is they are going to make it an extended cab. This is annoying because no real world wheeler is going to do that. He'd just source an extended cab to begin with and put that money and fab time toward something more important. So, that portion of the build is just goofy and, therefore, annoying.
5. Unlimited budgets. I'll be fair and say this chaps my ass on all the shows (HP TV, Trucks!, etc.). I know the show's advertisers require all of them to shill parts. I'm okay with that. But, take the Jeep "build" on Extreme: All they did was order $15k worth of new crap and bolt it on. Or, the Dodge: "Oooh, let's have Banks come in here and make a "guest appearance" [i.e. pimp his stuff] with $10k worth of his bolt-on diesel mods and then dedicate the rest of the episode to worshipping him. Or, having the HP TV guys build up a $10k Ford small block for the Ranger. How does that help an average guy? We all know we can do that as soon as we stop wasting money on food and lights and stuff. Plus, none of them hardly ever tell you what kind of bucks you can expect to invest, even a ballpark, on any given mod. One exception seems to be the HP TV guys, I hear them mention prices pretty often. It's easy to have "extreme" builds when JEG'S, Summit, Skyjacker, TCI, etc. etc. etc. is hooking you up like some sort of mad crack dealer having a Blue Light Special sale. What can you do with your two hands, a BFH, a $150 Lincoln 110V stick welder, a junkyard and $300? Show me that.
6. NASCAR shop toys. Wowee Mom, can I have a hydraulic mandrel tube bender for Christmas along with a professional milling machine and notcher? No? Well how am I supposed to bend this tube up? I want to see guys with a drill, a cheap welder, a big-ass hammer, 4 or 5 floor jacks that look like they came from a mud pit, a sawzall and a pair of pliers go to work! Real "extreme" fabbers improvise, adapt and overcome their pitiful middle-class equipment and fab up sweet hardware with skill, luck, effort, beer and a lot of cussing. Oh yeah, you guys have $50k in shop tools, but can't manage a $100 bar 'fridge holding a few cans of Coors? WTF
7. The dude with the mullet [Stacy on Trucks!] is building a Power Wagon on Rockies with 49's. Top that.
This rant has been brought to you by the letter "X" and the number 2. Remember, all your donations go toward supporting my wheeling. We now return you to "When Suzukis Go Mad"
popcornn
1. I appreciate the effort of having the female host, and she probably is a better fabber than I am, but if we're going to have eye candy to draw a male audience (who else is going to be watching anyway?), then I want to see Pamela Anderson [insert other hot chick of your choice here] etc. with a plasma cutter and in an outfit that requires glue to keep it on. I mean, if we are going to be "extreme" here, then no half measures I say. I want Full-On Hotness. "Let me help you with that"
2. The male host annoys me. I don't know why. I think maybe it's because my Texas instincts tell me he's a Canuck. Who else says "aboot"? Also, he doesn't seem to sweat when working, which creeps me out. When I'm in the garage, I'm filthy. You come back in the house after being in the garage 4 hours and you are not sweaty, that just tips the wife off that you've been out there drinking beer and listening to the radio. Plus, he's never slapped his co-host on the ass even once. Sexist and neanderthal, yes. But, remember I am the intended male audience so I get to say what's appropriate. Ok fine, if you can't do that, at least have a beer together at the end of each episode or have her smoke a cigar . . .
3. The show is not that "extreme." Bolting on a Kelderman Air Ride suspension system onto a Dodge is not extreme. It's just expensive. v8 swap into a jeep, again, been done many a many a time. Want to impress me? Let me see you swap a Cummins into that jeep . . .
4. Dumb build decisions. Okay, the most interesting project in terms of real fabwork is this Ranger they are building up. It's a junkyard single-cab. One of the 'extreme' decisions they made is they are going to make it an extended cab. This is annoying because no real world wheeler is going to do that. He'd just source an extended cab to begin with and put that money and fab time toward something more important. So, that portion of the build is just goofy and, therefore, annoying.
5. Unlimited budgets. I'll be fair and say this chaps my ass on all the shows (HP TV, Trucks!, etc.). I know the show's advertisers require all of them to shill parts. I'm okay with that. But, take the Jeep "build" on Extreme: All they did was order $15k worth of new crap and bolt it on. Or, the Dodge: "Oooh, let's have Banks come in here and make a "guest appearance" [i.e. pimp his stuff] with $10k worth of his bolt-on diesel mods and then dedicate the rest of the episode to worshipping him. Or, having the HP TV guys build up a $10k Ford small block for the Ranger. How does that help an average guy? We all know we can do that as soon as we stop wasting money on food and lights and stuff. Plus, none of them hardly ever tell you what kind of bucks you can expect to invest, even a ballpark, on any given mod. One exception seems to be the HP TV guys, I hear them mention prices pretty often. It's easy to have "extreme" builds when JEG'S, Summit, Skyjacker, TCI, etc. etc. etc. is hooking you up like some sort of mad crack dealer having a Blue Light Special sale. What can you do with your two hands, a BFH, a $150 Lincoln 110V stick welder, a junkyard and $300? Show me that.
6. NASCAR shop toys. Wowee Mom, can I have a hydraulic mandrel tube bender for Christmas along with a professional milling machine and notcher? No? Well how am I supposed to bend this tube up? I want to see guys with a drill, a cheap welder, a big-ass hammer, 4 or 5 floor jacks that look like they came from a mud pit, a sawzall and a pair of pliers go to work! Real "extreme" fabbers improvise, adapt and overcome their pitiful middle-class equipment and fab up sweet hardware with skill, luck, effort, beer and a lot of cussing. Oh yeah, you guys have $50k in shop tools, but can't manage a $100 bar 'fridge holding a few cans of Coors? WTF
7. The dude with the mullet [Stacy on Trucks!] is building a Power Wagon on Rockies with 49's. Top that.
This rant has been brought to you by the letter "X" and the number 2. Remember, all your donations go toward supporting my wheeling. We now return you to "When Suzukis Go Mad"
popcornn
Couldn't we compromise and she welds in a tube-top? That seems eminently reasonable to me. If she sparks up, the co-host can pat her out, right?
